ash wednesday

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know again
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is nothing again

Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessed face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice

And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

-T S Eliot, "Ash-Wednesday"

karamozov

"It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet, tender joy. The mild serenity of age takes the place of the riotous blood of youth. I bless the rising sun each day, and, as before, my hearts sings to meet it, but now I love even more its setting, its long slanting rays and the soft, tender, gentle memories that come with them, the dear images from the whole of my long, happy life - and over all the Divine Truth, softening, reconciling, forgiving!

My life is ending, I know that well, but every day that is left me I feel how my earthly life is in touch with a new infinite, unknown, that approaching life, the nearness of which sets my soul quivering with rapture, my mind glowing and my heart weeping with joy."

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamozov

2012

I believe this is the longest I have gone since I started this whole thing between updates.  Much is going on, too much perhaps.  All good things though.  I cannot remember a period in my life that I have been so happily occupied.

If you feel so inclined, feel free to ask me for details.  2012 is going to be a good year.

apologies

Dear Blog,
I realize that I have been a bit distant as of late, but I hope you have not been feeling the tinge of resentment toward me.  Good things have been happening! Good things that perhaps are too new and too exciting for me to share as of yet. You must admit that you cannot keep nary even a tiny secret, my old friend. Be assured, however, that though my attentions that have been focused elsewhere, my affection for you is not lacking nor waning.

I am happy to report that I have established a weekly meeting with my writing partner.  Progress is occurring, albeit slowly and uncertainly.  Unfortunately, it means that any time I would normally spend writing to you is being spent writing to that end.  I hope to share with you soon news of great progress! 

Until then my friend,
Nathan

joshua tree fisheyed

Finally made it out to Joshua Tree after planning for a few months.  On a whim, decided to buy a real fisheye lens, since I've been enjoying my cheap fisheye attachment so much lately.  It's a Korean off-brand full manual 8mm lens at 1/3 of the price of a Canon branded lens.

So. Worth. It.  Pictures came out amazing.

Lens flare very well controlled



My buddy's leg after a run in with a cactus

































Didn't have much time for star shots :(


It is worth checking out the full set I think.

a long-desired happiness

"Prince Andrew was galloping along in a post chaise enjoying the feelings of a man who has at length begun to attain a long-desired happiness. As soon as he closed his eyes his ears seemed filled with the rattle of the wheels and the sensation of victory."

-War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy

all hallows' eve

I figured this would be a good opportunity to get to know some of my coworkers.  Nice break from the drudgery of the typical work day also.









Me.

eh

I guess my dad has no sense of nostalgia. 

Also, I guess I already knew that. 

Shrug.

a healthy dose of nostalgia

I stumbled across this Craigslist ad in the course of my daily internet wanderings.

This car, a brown 1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88 sedan, is exactly the same as the car my parents brought me home from the hospital in.  They purchased it brand new while my mom was pregnant in anticipation of their soon-to-be expanding family.  This car stayed with us for years.  I remember sitting in the driver's seat when we stopped for gas and pretending for a minute what it would be like to grown up.  I remember my dad telling us he was going to catch up to the fastest car on the freeway and gunning it while I laughed.  I remember overheating on the way to Vegas and being stuck on the roadside with the hood propped up and a light rain drizzling down.  I remember seeing her on the side of the road with a "For Sale" sign after a Korean lady ran a red and T-boned the front end.

Is the memory of a better time worth $1100 and some garage space?  I emailed the link to my parents just now.  Wonder what feelings this familiarly shaped assembly of metal and rubber elicits from them.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, I think we actually had the 2 door version.  I guess my parents were not ready to give up THAT much of their youth yet.

tim burton at lacma

First time at LACMA and it was awesome.  Tim Burton has done way more than I was aware of.  What a unique and instantly recognizable style.  It was interesting seeing his growth as an artist and how his characters became progressively more gaunt and disfigured.  Too bad no pictures inside the exhibit.

I have no idea what he is like as a person, but one of the themes I really appreciate in his art is the contrast between external appearance and personality.  His creations are grotesque on the outside but vulnerable and relatable and human on the inside.

Also, I finally got to see those lamps that are in everybody's Facebook profiles haha.
























Slideshow.