Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I can't do anything right. Even in my best moments, every act of worship is tinged with pride and lust and sin. My best tries leave me flat on my face. Worthless. Even in this position I cling on to every last bit of worldly sorrow. Seven years of walking in the light and I still have this heart of darkness.
I am a hypocrite. I promise and do not fulfill. My convictions are tainted by my flesh. They have become so intertwined that I cannot tell the difference anymore. Grace and Truth have not found their balance in me.
I am a Pharisee. I swore I would never be. I have wiped clean the outside of my cup while the inside festers with unspeakable ugliness. I pride myself on doing the "right" thing in the eyes of men. Even this blog is a self-written testimony of how "good" I can be.
But no one is good except for You.
Against You have I sinned. I have valued my ego and my hope above You. Forgive me as I know only You can forgive. Forgive me completely and forgive me unconditionally. Cleanse me from the inside. Remove what remains of my selfishness, that my flesh would die and my spirit would live. Break me, for true strength comes only in weakness and surrender.
Desire fade away, for everything but You.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;Habakkuk 3:17-19
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
because a sad face is good for the heart.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.