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News and War

I saw hell on the news
In the eyes of his best friend
I heard hell on the radio again

I saw blood on the streets in the town of my birth
I saw ten shooting stars fall to dust on the earth
And I heard the animal sobs of his mother
I heard her plaintive lament

And I tried to explain but my tongue held no words
And I looked to the north but the city had burned
While ten thousand marines fell like rain on the earth
And each one was weeping for all he was worth

And they prayed
Oh my God
I will never understand until my dying day

I met a man with a broken back of stone
Wild-eyed in the park by my home

And he told me a tale of a fellow who'd died
And he said, girl, you couldn't believe if you tried
There was glory upon him like sun on the water
And if you'd been there you'd have cried like his daughter

For the waves became still as the crowd bared its teeth
And the raging machine joined its hand with the beast
And they laughed with a sneer as he shuddered and creaked
And I locked to his eyes as the tears coursed his cheeks

And he prayed
Oh my God
 They will never understand until their dying day

-Alex Rhodes Fleeman

then and now

"Were the continent crowded with inhabitants, her sufferings under the present circumstances would be intolerable. The more sea port towns we had, the more should we have both to defend and to loose. Our present numbers are so happily proportioned to our wants, that no man need be idle. The diminution of trade affords an army, and the necessities of an army create a new trade.

Debts we have none; and whatever we may contract on this account will serve as a glorious memento of our virtue. Can we but leave posterity with a settled form of government, an independent constitution of it's own, the purchase at any price will be cheap. But to expend millions for the sake of getting a few vile acts repealed, and routing the present ministry only, is unworthy the charge, and is using posterity with the utmost cruelty; because it is leaving them the great work to do, and a debt upon their backs, from which, they derive no advantage. Such a thought is unworthy a man of honor, and is the true characteristic of a narrow heart and a pedling politician.

The debt we may contract doth not deserve our regard if the work be but accomplished. No nation ought to be without a debt. A national debt is a national bond; and when it bears no interest, is in no case a grievance."

-Thomas Paine, "Common Sense," 1776

vengeance and reconciliation

It has been nearly a week since the FBI's most wanted terrorist was found and killed. Along with the drunk college students pouring out of DC area bars following President Obama's address that night, most of the country seemed to be celebrating the news. And why not celebrate? After ten years, billions of dollars, and hundreds of thousands of lives, we located the man who became the face of terrorism worldwide. A man who coordinated the most devastating attack on American soil in history. A man who took the lives of three thousand innocent men and women in one morning. We got him. Good job America. Justice has been served. Time to party.

Except that attitude didn't sit right with me. The phrase that came to mind was Pyrrhic victory. But looking beyond all the political, financial and personal baggage accrued over the last ten years, essentially we were celebrating the death of a human being. It felt wrong, no matter what atrocities he committed. It is easy to compare this week's pictures of cheering Americans to the pictures of cheering crowds in the Middle East following 9-11. Justice is such a convoluted concept. Who has the right to claim life in exchange for another? There is no changing the past. We should be better than that. We should substitute reconciliation for vengeance. That is the only path toward peace in this world.

A day later I posted a status update to Facebook:

After thinking over replies from friends in very different situations, I saw some validity in the search for justice. It is easy for me to downplay it because I am so far removed. For those who have seen the war first hand or lost loved ones, it must be infinitely more difficult. Ideally, we would be able to completely forgive those who trespass against us, but when we have been deeply wronged or hurt, the desire for justice is nearly insatiable.

I received a couple of emails yesterday which reminded me of a deep wound, one which I have all but learned to ignore. One which has shaped the last ten years of my life and my view of God. One which leaves me gasping for air at times. One which I still dream about. Without resolution, there remain residues of helplessness and frustration.

I want justice. It is an immature, irrational desire, but recognizing it doesn't suppress it. Even if reconciliation were a viable option, I don't know if I could follow through. I know that forgiveness is an open door to the cage of bitterness, but I do not want to forgive. I want to be avenged. I'd rather watch the source of my pain go down in flames than bring healing. It is all kinds of wrong, but the desire for justice is stronger and simpler than the desire for reconciliation.

I imagine it is similar to what America is experiencing. After a decade of fear, fighting, and ridiculous airport security, we have destroyed the perceived source of our troubles. Unfortunately, close and personal pain does not see reason, it seeks relief. It is our weakness that bids us to seek justice, but I would be a fool to think myself above it. Sometimes we as a country and we as individuals are unable to be any better. It is up to the best of us to resist those urges. Lead us with strong hands.

inheritance

A few weeks ago I got an email from the editor of INHERITANCE magazine. It is published by a local church and is aimed at the Asian-American Christian community. A friend who's wife is a contributor recommended my music for a compilation CD they were putting together showcasing Asian American artists. This was pretty flattering, as I came "highly recommended." I haven't considered these recordings as anything more than a personal project, but it seemed like a glowing opportunity to share.

I submitted "There is Time" and a short blurb about the inspiration behind it. I had to fill out an artist's release form and everything. How nice and official. A few weeks later, here we are and I just logged into Facebook to see that the CD has been released. Exciting! There are nine tracks on the CD, including one from my high school friend Kevin Yap. The cover was also designed by a college friend. What a small world. Anyway, it is up for download at INHERITANCE's website.

Introduction and Blurb
Download Link

I haven't listened to it yet. I'm kind of afraid that the other tracks will sound way better than mine. Still working on the musical self-confidence.

If you haven't heard the rest of the CD yet, please drop by my soundcloud.

to hug a porcupine

Please read if you have some time:
http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2008-06-26/news/to-hug-a-porcupine/

Absolutely heartbreaking article. Tragic and not for the faint of heart, but gripping and real. Fairly disturbing, so don't read if you are not willing to be shaken. It is difficult to comprehend the ugliness that people are capable of and the price others pay for it. We live in a broken world and no one is innocent. Sometimes there are no answers. Can we live with that and not lose hope?

I would love to hear some of your reactions. I imagine that some will be mighty confused.

[image via]

haiti three weeks later

(FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images)

Please don't forget so quickly or move on so readily.

Tomorrow will mark three weeks since the massive January 12th earthquake in Haiti, and tent cities remain full, even as some businesses and factories are beginning to reopen in Port-au-Prince. Now that massive amounts of aid have arrived, distribution problems have cropped up and are being addressed. The World Food Program has begun a new system of delivering rice to 10,000 Haitians per day at each of 16 women-only distribution points around the city - restricted to women, since young men often muscle their way to the front of distribution lines, and the women are viewed as more likely to fairly divide up the food. Aid chiefs and donor nations are warning that Haiti will need at least a decade of painstaking reconstruction.
-Boston Globe, Feb 1, 2010

More pictures.

haiti relief

Here are some numbers on Haiti:

Languages:
Haitian Creole, French

Ethnicity:
95% black
5% mulatto and white

Area:
10,714 sq mi
(Similar to Hawaii)

Population:
10 million
(Same as Los Angeles County)

Gross Domestic Product:
$790 per person
(US GDP is $47,440 per person)

Religion:
95% Christian (mostly Catholic)
2.5% Spiritist/Voodoo
1.8% Non-religious/other
[est. 75% of Catholics also involved in Voodoo]

I was very close to going to Haiti for a week with Child Hope Intl. this past July. I really wanted to, but the timing did not work out. They are currently updating their blog with relief efforts from the ground. This country has suffered through rebellions, famines, and now a devastating earthquake.

If you pray, please pray for those still trapped in the rubble, for those trying to locate loved ones, and for the global aid effort. CNN was reporting earlier today that the cemeteries are unable to dig graves fast enough for the bodies. Stay updated here.

Photos from The Boston Globe (a bit graphic):
1 Day After
48 Hours After

If there is a silver lining it is in the way that people are uniting to help. Dozens of organizations are mobilizing and millions of dollars pouring in. If you feel led to give, please check the charity through Charity Navigator. Red Cross has a donate by text message system which is so far proving very successful.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
Isaiah 58:12

(Source,2)

frivolous stuff i read

Jalopnik - auto industry news, funny
Autoblog - auto industry news, serious
Cardomain blog - random car stuff
Bring a Trailer - vintage and interesting cars for sale

Gizmodo - gadget stuff
Engadget - more serious gadget stuff
Lifehacker - helpful tips
Unclutterer - get simple

Harmony Central Forums - music and music gear
Bimmerforums E34 forum - trying to fix car
Digg - useless browsing
FML - more useless browsing

Sometimes I'm shallow.

Bonus:
For those who nod off in class/at work

inspiration

The Preacherman is Vincent Pannizzo, but most who come to his sermons don't know his name. Or that he was working on a doctorate at UC Berkeley when he dropped out nine years ago to begin preaching. Or that he comes from middle-class comfort in New Jersey, did a three-year hitch in the Army and once dreamed of being a history professor.

To his street flock, Pannizzo is simply "the Preacherman," who shows up seven nights a week, rain or not, to gently sermonize and hand out sandwiches, blankets and the few dollars he makes through day labor.

Lucid and soft-spoken, he is not mentally ill, by all accounts. Even the police and shopkeepers who monitor his comings and goings say they find this remarkable. They assumed one must be crazy to give up a promising life to sleep in homeless camps and preach to other street people in one of the most violent, impoverished stretches of East Oakland.

Read the rest...[sfgate]

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