Thursday, June 18, 2009

father, i

I can't do anything right. Even in my best moments, every act of worship is tinged with pride and lust and sin. My best tries leave me flat on my face. Worthless. Even in this position I cling on to every last bit of worldly sorrow. Seven years of walking in the light and I still have this heart of darkness.

I am a hypocrite. I promise and do not fulfill. My convictions are tainted by my flesh. They have become so intertwined that I cannot tell the difference anymore. Grace and Truth have not found their balance in me.

I am a Pharisee. I swore I would never be. I have wiped clean the outside of my cup while the inside festers with unspeakable ugliness. I pride myself on doing the "right" thing in the eyes of men. Even this blog is a self-written testimony of how "good" I can be.

But no one is good except for You.

Against You have I sinned. I have valued my ego and my hope above You. Forgive me as I know only You can forgive. Forgive me completely and forgive me unconditionally. Cleanse me from the inside. Remove what remains of my selfishness, that my flesh would die and my spirit would live. Break me, for true strength comes only in weakness and surrender.

Desire fade away, for everything but You.