the latest nuptials

Stephen and Charming, Altadena Country Club. Took a few more photos than usual. The more you take, the more you have to edit. So I'm kinda sick of these now. Full set on Flickr, link at end of post. Enjoy!

























Plenty more where these came from.

it's complicated

Father's Day this year was pretty pleasant.  I drove home on Saturday for dinner but my mom had a wedding reception to attend, so it was just me and my dad.  Out of all the places we could have eaten, he wanted KFC.  Original recipe.  From one specific KFC, because the other one wasn't as good.  We were the only ones that evening celebrating Father's Day with fried chicken.  Then he wanted to use a couple Baskin Robbins coupons that he had been holding onto for years so we did that.  It was still pretty early and the sun was out when we got home, so we spent an hour or so washing and waxing my car.  My job is still pretty new, so we had more than usual to talk about.  Altogether unusually pleasant.  Which is strange because a matter of months ago I had all but given up on the relationship and thought him the worst person in the world.  Odd thing how family dynamics ebb and flow.

I am writing this, however, at 4:30 AM after having woken up in a sweat.  I dreamed that my father was acting like the worst person in the world again.  Like teeth clenchingly, screaming cuss fest bad.  So bad that I woke up angry and out of breath.  I remember specifically recalling in the dream that Father's Day was only two days ago and had gone well.  I walked out to the living room for some water and felt I should write this out, perhaps against my better judgement.  The 5:00 AM world is still half-enveloped in a cloud of haze, both outside my window and in my mind.  Anyway, I know that one of the keys to this complicated relationship is the dropping of all expectations and a love that is blind to flaws.  It is difficult because of so much past disappointment and circumstance and I hope I have at least a few more Father's Days to figure it out.  I guess this would be a good time to pray a little before I drift back to sleep and maybe to more pleasant dreams.

book project

I have been meeting a friend for lunch every Thursday for the last three and a half years. He worked down the street from me in El Segundo so it was a short drive and a long lunch once a week. It was a great time, something consistent that I needed through the ups and downs of the last few years. Now that I work fifty some miles from El Segundo, those lunches are no longer possible. They will be missed.

I have offered to help him with a stalled book project that he has been working on for a handful of years. Its working title is "When God is Not Enough" and it is written for Christians who have experienced God in a visceral way, but have for whatever reason lost a part of that intimate connection. For those who have trouble reconciling what they see in the church with what they experience in the world. For those who are disillusioned, dissapointed, and frustrated with God, but not enough to forget Him. In other words, right up my alley.

Hopefully, this will keep the friendship alive and help me work through some of my lingering issues. I enjoy writing, but I have trouble writing more than a blog entry at a time, so this will be a challenge.  Also trying to figure out how dual authorship works, specifically when the authors are approaching the subject from different angles. A dialog perhaps, or is that off-putting? I hope our styles compliment each other.

Suggestions and stories welcome, readers.

nothing to report

I go back and forth between being really stressed and utterly bored.  I have five projects to work on, but very little information to go off of and nobody to ask.  The boss has been out since last Thursday.  Moorpark is a pretty small town.  I'm thinking if it might be fun to Metrolink into work one of these days.  It's not really cheaper than driving though.

memorial day weekend

No clever title this time. Too tired busting my butt at this new job. Got five projects already and I'm still trying to relearn software I haven't used since college. The senior mechanical engineer quit just before I started, so yeah. Promotion by default? No thanks. Not into working THAT hard at work.


Balboa Park with Rob








Oceans and islands?

  Doing silly things for the shot



Submerged plants look ghostly

 Big Bear Retreat with Evergreen SGV








It snowed briefly :)

official

Congratulations Robert and Joyce! What a great experience, thanks for asking me to officiate! Ten minutes before the wedding started I had a welt in my throat and butterflies in my stomach, but when I saw my friends walking down the isle, it went away and I couldn't stop smiling. Besides the groom saying his vows while looking into my eyes instead of the bride's, everything went swimmingly. The parents were very happy, so I think I did okay. They joked that I could start a side business. It really is a lot of work though and I think it's only worth it for close friends.

love as we know it

I am convinced that the core of the human heart contains an inherent desire to be known. This need is independent of culture, class, wealth, religion and race. The entire basis of social interaction rests upon this compulsion and every relationship exists in its pursuit. To strangers, we express ourselves with what we wear, what we drive, where we are seen. To acquaintances, we express ourselves with shared interests, favorite books and movies, with knowledge. As friends, we share inside jokes, experiences, and struggles. As spouses, we share everything. The more intimate the relationship, the more we allow ourselves to be known. The more we allow ourselves to be known, the more potentially satisfying the relationship.

Love as we know it balances between being known and being accepted. We are ever gauging whether or not we will be accepted for what we reveal. As imperfect and sometimes ugly people, there is always a fear that we will lose the acceptance of our friends, family, coworkers, etc. Our past, our flaws, our weirdness, are sources of shame to be hidden from the world. We hide behind attractive masks so no one else would know how we really look. Yet what resides in the dark recesses of our hearts yearns to be brought into light. The pinnacle of human relationship is one in which sinful people fully understand and fully accept each other in all their ugliness.

Still, there are physical limits to crawling inside the skin of another. Only in a divine relationship can we be fully known inside and out. Only in a divine relationship can we be fully loved under the light of our faults. But only in a divine relationship do we have to relate from opposite sides of heaven. Anyone who has wrestled with God understands both the potential satisfaction and terrible difficulty in being loved by Him.

“I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”
Isaiah 6:5

four years

last week

After three years, eleven months and ten days of employment at Marshall Electronics, I am entering my last week here. Resignation handed in, letter of recommendation requested, cards getting written, happy hour being planned. I cannot believe the amount of hours I have spent in this building, behind this desk. Goodbye's are always bittersweet and difficult for me, but this feels good man. At least until the new job starts.

the fast and the frivolous

Went canyon driving with a friend the other weekend. Fun stuff.

I don't think I have debuted my new (to me) car on here yet. 2002 Mazda Miata. Less roof, more fun. So much better on windy roads than crawling up the 405.

I also got my vanity plates in today. Yep, pretty dorky.