you are not alone in your suffering...

O Lord, God of my salvation; I cry out day and night before you.

Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry!

For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol.

I am counted among those who go down to the pit: I am a man who has no strength, like one set loose among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom you remember no more, for they are cut off from your hand.

You have put me in the depths of the pit, in the regions dark and deep.

Your wrath lies heavy upon me, and you overwhelm me with all your waves.

You have caused my companions to shun me; you have made me a horror to them.

I am shut in so that I cannot escape; my eye grows dim through sorrow.

Every day I call upon you, O Lord; I spread out my hands to you.

Do you work wonders for the dead?

Do the departed rise up to praise you?

Is your steadfast love declared in the grave, or your faithfulness in Abaddon?

Are your wonders known in the darkness, or your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

But I, O Lord, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you.

O Lord, why do you cast my soul away?

Why do you hide your face from me?

Afflicted and close to death from my youth up, I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.

Your wrath has swept over me; your dreadful assaults destroy me.

They surround me like a flood all day long; they close in on me together.

You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me; my companions have become darkness.

-Psalm 88

The darkness of men is sometimes deep, but never black beyond redemption. Even the most desperate of cries has a voice and is not ignored by the Almighty. He not only knows the depth of affliction, He has become affliction for our sake. This is our only hope.

Listen

psalm 56

He counts the sorrows of his saints,
Our groans affect his ears;
He keeps a book for my complaints,
A bottle for my tears.
Sons of violence, sons of lies
Devour my life, O Lord
But as my hourly dangers rise,
My refuge is thy Word.

When to thy throne I raise my cry,
The wicked fear and flee
So swift is prayer to reach the sky,
So near is God to me.
O, most holy, just and true,
In thee I place my trust
Nor will I fear what man can do
The offspring of the dust.

Thy solemn vows are on me Lord,
Thou shalt receive my praise;
I sing, "How faithful is thy Word,
How righteous all thy ways!"
Thou hast saved my soul from death,
O set they prisoner free!
That heart and hand, and every breath,
May be employed for thee.

-Isaac Watts, 1719

tee hee

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
While I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14, NLT

Starting to believe this again...

:)

psalm 39

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.

Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

"But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.

I was silent; I would not open my mouth,
for you are the one who has done this.

Remove your scourge from me;
I am overcome by the blow of your hand.

You rebuke and discipline men for their sin;
you consume their wealth like a moth—
each man is but a breath.

"Hear my prayer, O LORD,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.

Look away from me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and am no more."

David's difficult psalms usually end on a hopeful note, but this one doesn't, as if to say that some days end without answers, even for God's anointed. When faith hinges on answered prayers and blessings received, God is reduced to the means to an end. Sometimes, His people pray in earnest and hope according to the Word but fail miserably. We must be prepared for when God does not act according to our expectations. It is easy for sincere faith to degenerate into demandingness.

I'm planning on visiting Samoshel tonight. PCC serves ice cream and hangs out with the residents once a month. I have no idea what to expect.

melancholy

Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
Ecclesiastes 7:4-5

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Psalm 25:21

turn the corner

The command is simple:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.
-Mark 23:30-31

We are the ones who complicate things.
We are the ones who give ourselves to methods and rules and limitations and condemnations.
We keep paying interest on a debt that has long been settled.
Less we, for once.
More You.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
-Psalm 42:11

Thanks Amy, that coffee was amazing. Bavarian black cherry right?

kaph

My soul faints with longing for your salvation,
but I have put my hope in your word.

My eyes fail, looking for your promise;
I say, "When will you comfort me?"

Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke,
I do not forget your decrees.

Preserve my life according to your love,
and I will obey the statutes of your mouth.

Ps 119:81-83,88

still

"Be still and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10

When the earth swallows you whole, be still and know that God is who He is and who He was and who He will always be. Cease striving.

day 2

Location: Amarillo, Texas

Quality time...
Gas is SOOO cheap here!
$1.36/gal

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
-Ps.139

You have a firm grip on me no matter what I do or where I go; LA, Philippines, or Texas. You have protected me from day 1, even when my eyes were turned away. You take from my hands the contraband that I covet and give me exactly what I need when I need it. Continue to tenderize my wandering heart.

62

quiet time
Originally uploaded by natelee

1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.

10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,

12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.