o for a closer walk with god

O fire of God, come burn in me;
Renew a holy passion,
Till Christ my deepest longing be,
My never-failing fountain,
My never failing fountain.

What peaceful hours I once enjoyed,
How sweet the memory still!
But they have left an aching void
The world can never fill.

The dearest idol I have known,
Whatever that idol be,
Help me to tear it from thy throne,
And worship only thee.

So shall my walk be close with God,
Serene and calm my frame;
So purer light shall mark the road
That leads me to the Lamb.

-William Cowper, Stuart Townend, & Keith Getty

events

Been waiting on an important letter from Washington...

Aquarium of the Pacific, Long Beach


Music in the Zoo, Los Angeles Zoo

Click pictures for full resolution and sets @flickr

the kids aren't alright

His parents loved to argue. Well, maybe they didn't love to, but they sure had gotten a lot of practice at it. He must have learned a lot about arguing from them. When he was little, he would join in, just so they wouldn't be alone in the company of yelling and tears. He would scream until his little voice went hoarse and cry until his little eyes refused to release tears. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes they would stop fighting for a while and tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he was more important than whatever they were disagreeing upon. Sometimes they wouldn't. The two big voices and one little voice screaming in unison was quite a cacophony to behold. Once in a while, a smashed glass or a hole in the wall would bring a night's exertion to a close. He wondered what the neighbors thought, or if they cared at all. As he grew older, he learned to retreat when the voices rose, like his younger brother had always done. Sometimes, he thought that his brother learned things faster than him. Closed doors and television muffled most of the noise, but he would still cry to himself until silence blanketed the night. Stay together for the kids, they deserve a normal childhood.

It was different during college. Better, maybe. Being a little further away helped. His parents seemed to get along better. Maybe they had more space to figure things out. Teenagers around the house are stressful after all. Still, empty nest syndrome led to many phone calls and frequent weekend visits. Once every few months, though, he would open the door to a tension so thick that he could suffocate in it. They would pretend that everything was fine. They would go out to lunch and ask how classes were going, about dorm life. Smile, with honey in their voices. But their stiff interaction and dead eyes gave them away as plain as day. It wasn't fine. He wanted to scream. Sometimes he did. "Stop pretending!" It was worse than the yelling and crying. At least that stuff was real. Now they were just camouflaging their wounds with mud. Smile for the kids, they aren't home that much anymore.

He doesn't want to hide anymore. He never did. He still prefers to stand in the middle of the highway until traffic dies down or crushes him. On the worst days, he thinks he'd rather be crushed. At least he wouldn't have to worry about the tornado just around the bend, waiting to tear things apart. But anything is better than pretending. Pretending is building a castle in the sand. Pretending is putting on a thicker jacket and thinking you are bulletproof. No one wants to pretend, but dodging bullets is tiring. It's easier to close the door, turn on the television, and pretend that all is right with the world. He still curls up and cries silently to himself until silence blankets the night. Pull it together for the kids, you're the grown up now.

fireworks

I just bought a pro account of flickr :)

Here's some stuff from the weekend. Never took fireworks shots before, but I think these turned out pretty well...kinda hard work though heh.

View the full set slideshow!

couple randoms

1. Two nights ago I was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud voice telling me to step out with my hands up. I was very confused for a minute until I got my wits about me and noticed the red and blue flashing lights outside. Turns out a police chase ended right outside my window and a standoff was going down. Dude didn't wanna get out of his truck. Cops had their guns drawn and their commands blaring through the PA. Standoff lasted about 15 minutes. I couldn't go back to sleep so I snapped some pics.


2. Yesterday, there was some traffic on the 405, so I took surface streets. Sitting next to a dumpster along a back alley shortcut, a familiar shape caught my eye. I slowed down for a closer look, and sure enough, it was a guitar amplifier, a head like the ones that sit on top of massive speaker cabinets you see at concerts, vacuum tubes in place and all. I thought it might be a good future project or at least an interesting piece of junk, so I grabbed it and too it home. Thing must weigh 50 pounds. Dusty and full of cobwebs, I fully expected this child of the 80s to blow up when plugged in. After some speaker pops and fiddling, darn thing powers up! Sounds bloody good too! Not sure what to do with it, it's definitely loud enough to get me in trouble...

It's a Laney AOR Pro Lead 100 if anyone cares